none the less...

Just a little mindlessness… that is how I explain it to myself!.. and what is that “it”… well it is that one little thing…it is those many things….

When I get overwhelmed seeing those wild life documentaries.. and even to an extent that I tip over and cry…
When my mind goes blank while listening to ghazals..… to an extent that I cannot think of anything else…
When I try and philosophise the existence of everything..
When I feel too embarrassed to express my anger or resentment and coil into a puddle of misleading expressions…
When I stare at myself in the mirror for hours…honestly believing that I am beautiful.
When I get Goosebumps standing underneath the sky just when its about to rain..
When I talk too much…when I don’t talk at all..
When I unassumingly smile at strangers.. and they look at me suspiciously unable to recollect where they have met me last…
When I wander like a lost soul… inside my house in the wee hours of the night.
When I secretly miss my loved ones.. but never give them a call even if I want to.
When I am scared to death to meet my old friends who I love dearly.. fearing that they would have changed.
When not love but the anticipation of it makes me want to fall for it…
When I seek silence and solitude amidst a lost and baffled multitude.
When I get shit scared to climb escalators and cross roads and get hell conscious later.
When I drive my laughter to an extent until it becomes a cackle.
When I spend nights…. sleepless.. just thinking… neither joy nor fear nor sorrow…thoughts and only thoughts…occupy my mind…
When left on my own, I speak to myself…just about anything because I love hearing my voice….
When I write meaninglessly…
When I love hopelessly….
When I dream aimlessly…. But never the less… I dream on ceaselessly…

Just a little mindlessness… that is how I explain it to myself…and what is that ‘it’
Well it is that one little thing….it is those many things…