7/27/08

THE EPITAPH

10 Things I wish I had said to specific people…at various points in my life….(you cannot take names!..)


I had never acknowledged it. I had never known to acknowledge. Or perhaps I was living in denial while it lasted. But maybe the first instance of love in my life was with you. I detest the day you were taken away from me…and I have never cried ever since…now that many years have gone by… and you are no more to be… I still remember you…. You’re my first find….and my first loss! I shall keep you and remember you…hoping that you will come back to me one day but knowing that you wont…

You’re a bastard and you know it better than I do. I am glad…I never kissed u back!

There is no secret handshake to me… there is an ultimate pre-requisite but no secret handshake! Now that I have said it. You should know.

Don’t go away… though I may never come to say it… though I may wave to you good bye…if you choose to leave… but don’t go away..

I will take care of you!.. And isn’t that something I have always done?… then why are you still so afraid. Trust me if you truly can.. it is not an obligation. It’s a choice.. an involuntary choice. And I will choose you over anyone else!

Get over me…. don’t make me your sob story to gain sympathy or make me feel bad about myself!…the truth is you despise me. You always have. But now you cant hide it. I can smell the stench. If I have wronged you…. Then maybe you deserved it!

You are the most remarkable young woman I have ever seen or known. More than anything…I deeply respect you for who you are. If only you believed me… if only you believed me this one time…. Like you do for everything else. I cannot see you like this. You should know. I cannot see you like this. Listen to me. Believe me. If only….

Your shallow. You’re uncouth and ugly. There is nothing you hate or love because you cannot tell between the two. You’re too thick to know the difference. The only thing your good at is lying. And lying blatantly. I have no issues with what you are personally. But stop dragging me to your level. It enrages me more than anything else. I am not like you!. Get that straight!

Stop! Just put an end to it right now! No I cannot reciprocate. I don’t love you! I don’t want to lie to you either.

I really don’t know…. What were you getting at?… what do you try to say each time we speak to each other? I feel this… this extraordinary sense of love and you fill in most parts! But there is this strange divide that keeps me from you and you from me. I really do not know what is it all about!… I cannot deal with it..and I cannot let it be either.

4 comments:

nilanjana said...

...i guess...i no...

Geek Lover said...

Do not look for him
In brittle mountain streams:
They are too cold for any god;
And do not examine the angry rivers
For shreds of his soft body
Or turn the shore stones for his blood;
But in the warm salt ocean
He is descending through cliffs
Of slow green water
And the hovering coloured fish
Kiss his snow-bruised body
And build their secret nests
In his fluttering winding-sheet.

- Leonard Cohen

Geek Lover said...

Linked you women.. finally..

aar im wrongly linked here.. thats not my active blog.

http://rushh-aa.livejournal.com/

thats the one.

reema said...

i no u no...@rubai!
@tania.. tnx...bth fo the poem n the link